I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. The second year was guilt with each step I took to move on. So nothing. Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. I was 18 and 18yrs when I meet him he was 21. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. Wedding anniversary his birthday. His wife passed away 20 years ago and he was left to raise 2 small boys. Shapes of the clouds. He passed on January 28, 2018. Robin. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. But here I am. I hate her for that sentence. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! Come home, turn on the lights, walk through an empty house, empty life. I have days of no energy or ambition. I was compelled to write this because I have no where or no one to talk to about this emptiness that I fear that nothing will ever fill this emptiness because I have lost the past present and future. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? When I say I miss my husband; the words I miss him, mean so much more than what those 3 words are portraying. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. Am I alone feeling like this? The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. he asked me in a parting note not to forget him, or my other brother who died in 2018 or my parents who went before. tool to check the status of your refund within 24 hours of e-filing. I was absolutely devastated. Three powerful life-changing words passed on from God to us: Now choose life! Weekday Calculator - What Day is this Date? For a while, all you can do is float. Even though we had hospice care, there was so much confusion about what was happening to her and if she was getting the right treatment; there was so much decision-making which is fatiguing; the living room where she slept for the last three months became cluttered with medical supplies and bottles of pills. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, I had him cremated. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. (Still not sure how I managed to give birth to 4 children!). Robert, I totally sympathize with the unresolved grief. Im completely broken. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. Love and understanding yo all of us. My heart is breaking. Any advise? "Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply" - Zane Grey. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play its like a piece of me dies inside. My mom passed away July 2017, 6 months later my boyfriend passed in January 2018. I too am n my 2nd year of losing my spouse. My heart goes out to all of those who have left comments in this thread. I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. Both of my parents died on Valentines Day only difference is my Mother passed 28 years earlier this is tough for me, maybe divine intervention. I get it! my daughter whom i was very closed t passed away 18 months ago i miss her so we were like sisters i have lost any feelings i cannot cry y i want to but the tears will not come i used to be a lot of fun but now i just dwell on what has happened to lose daughter when she is part of u is the worse feeling i have tried to keep busy but nothing helps wish i could cry. Then put off the blue, he had a seizure that led to the diagnosis of a brain tumour, which we were later told was inoperable and high grade. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. Gratitude is everything. I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. My husband died after a failed kidney liver transplant in October. My throat always feels like Ive swallowed a big gobstopper. Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. I am 76 and my health seems OK but mentally I am a wreck. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. At 66 tomorrow, birthday week for both of us. We had met and dated only three months before we were married. I have been so sad lately; crying like it happened yesterday, asking, WHY again, unable to breatheand then I realized I was still experiencing the year of firsts.. this was the first year of no firsts.. My husband died 1 year ago. I can relate to nearly everyones pain, grief and hopelessness. I truly admire your honesty. Love to everyone out there. I pushed my way through year one, just knowing that if I could make it through that then all would be better. But the terrifying thing about grief is how easy it can be to function in your day-to-day life while it quietly eats away at you. And every day I think about her. I will type a little should you come back here. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. It broke my heart to watch him suffer. He had lost all his motor skills but not his brain and had 2 holes in his brain. I just want to isolate myself so people wont try to tell me to feel better when I cant. My Husband passed away unexpectedly on Dec 1, 2013. i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. I am integrating my old life with my new life. Trying anything and everything. I lost my husband of 57 years two years ago and cant adjust. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. Ive been told several times that I should be over it by now. I dont weep all the time now but I can hit all at once, mostly at inappropriate times. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. - Unknown. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I cry everyday. Maybe someone else's grief doesn't affect you in the same way or much at all. This is my first time reading all the posts. After 1.5 years, I have yet to accept the finality of his death and keep expecting him to come back. We bought this old farm house many years ago and we worked hard to make it the home we wanted. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. Mom was it. With kids, listening and being supportive is critical. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. I look around my town and I see so many changes and I hate it because everything reminds me of Mum every shop that closes down that Mum used to visit leaves me heaving. I feel your pain my husband died 6 months ago i want to give up but some how you learn to live again i pray alot i miss him he will always be in my heart i try to keep my mind on diffrent things i watch funny move ies go to the park the only thing is trying to sleep at night i cant give up he would have want me to live i know in my heart i will see him again am only 50 i still have a chance to be happy again i pray for you that god will take some of the hurt away and help you and gave you the peace you need to get through this this two shall pass, I definitely understand more then words can express. Doo sorry for your loss x I lost my husband of 47 years 6 months ago and Im.sooo lost ..I cry all the time I dont eat or sleep he was my soul mate how does life go on, I lost my husband of 44 years dec 29, 2020 I am at a loss for life, he was 76 and I am 65 ,,, I pretty much took care of him for the last few years poor guy so so sad he was hating his disabilities so much pain he didnt really want anyone around and when we were alone he would get in a stressed out mood and yell how he hated life and wanted god to take him then cry and do it all over again and again for a very long time, I loved him more than life itself,,,, I have losses in my life my sibling,mother and father,,, I am exhausted now my husband I am so lost with my life and so sad. Allie, it has to get better. I was in the a state of shock and was just sick for weeks. He isnt hero, my best friend, and the man I wish I could be more like. He had 3 brain surgeries to help with inflammation and to kill the infection out. I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago. I am still here. This week I will be starting the second year after my husbands death. He was everyone friend including enemies. My husband has been gone since April 2018. Its too hard to live without them. I too want it to end. Lean on the lord. I just feel it,s getting worse. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. my life has not been the same since I lost him, thats what I am lost without him and i feel everyone thinks i should have made more progess than i have. We had 3 lovely children together. 4. I think I will only be content whenever he comes for me but Im even now having doubts about where he is and is there really life after death, Its been 2yrs &2 months since my husband suddenly pasted away. Im working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside. I miss you so much. but it ends in a big cry fest. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? I cry my eyes out almost everyday. So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. Thats beautiful. I understand the empty feeling, the terrible ache. When dad started to become frailer we asked them to move back to England so we could help take care of dad if he became more frail. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver.