If you enjoyed our hilarious jokes and puns about the navy, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as our Memorial Day jokes and our Air Force jokes as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Its not you on the chopping block, its someone else. I tried to pick up the navys new mounted laser turret but it weighed more than a ton. How do you recognize it if a soldier has made some chocolate chip cookies? All rights reserved. A soldier in Egypt was eating ice cream while he was quitting the Army. A submarine! Military Jokes - Boot Camp & Military Fitness Institute 21. He told them you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before. My grandfather once told me that when he was a soldier he fell in love with three women between 1940 and 1950. force are all represented. The Roman Army never actually fell. A meat wagon. 23. The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! Dad Jokes: Military - Funny Puns Wait a minute, is everyone married? The Navy beat Army 14 years in a row, lost one game in 2016 and then just kept on winning. The Boot Camp. 15. 7 Cs. I was in the Army. Answer (1 of 2): The Chief of Staff of the Army, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and the Chief of Naval Operations are having lunch. 3. The Army Needs to Explain What's Going on With the Black Hawk A guy at a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, hey, do you want to hear an army joke?. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, "those who laughed, get down and give me 20!". He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head. 20 Extremely Funny Navy Memes That Are Just Plain Genius The army corporal was the Lone Ranger to survive boot camp. When a woman talks dirty to a military man, it's $3.95 a minute. 53. Funniest Military Jokes | Funny Army Humor & Puns - Ranker Now he's a sub woofer. The OPODOR. A writer should be comfortable joining the Navy because he is already familiar with magazines. What did the Colonel say when someone asked him the lowest rank in the Army? You just shine the flashlight in their eyes. When I came back home, I started working with animals. 26. After the 2-hour ride, the first thing I had to do upon arrival was to relieve myself. Dad Jokes: Military. The winner would have no jokes told about them. Army = Aarent Rready to beMMarinesYyet. 14.The veteran who became a volleyball coach told his students that the most important skill is knowing how to serve. The Army will post guards around the building. What would you call the camera of a soldier? The medical officer arrived and instructed the chief to drop em, which he did. These are some air force puns, air forces jokes, and puns about the army that will help you up your air force humor. We were in the field when another SGT decided to trick my private and told him to go ask SGT MAJ for a box of grid squares for the Land Nav course later. Here we share some our favorite military jokes below: Real Estate . It was the luft-waffle. One soldier mused, Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesnt seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. What would you call the Private if they get exposed? A flat major. posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" | 3 months ago. He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west., The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east., The captain gets a little annoyed. Need a laugh? Here are 5 military jokes for National Humor Month Table Of Contents [ show] 1. Retired Army Col. Paris Davis tells of his combat actions during the Vietnam War while attending a media event in Arlington, Va., on Thursday, March 2, 2023, one day before he was scheduled to . If pilots screw up, they die. How do army soldiers greet each other when they ride in helicopters? The game went on, tearing up the middle of the field. 13. When I turned in my paper he said I don't know what this number is go to remedial training. He said I never found him. asked a group of troops. As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. And again presented with the same task. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. 2. They both have majors. We also aim to surprise, but never shock you. NATO Commander in the desert. At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, Why do you want to join the Navy, son? My father said itd be a good idea, sir. Oh? The only kind of plant that grows in the garden of a soldier is ambush. Navy is playing Army, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. More jokes about: air force, death, military, money, navy #GoArmy, When youll wear anything before youll wear Army swag, like a pink bunny onesie from your grandma. Soon after the test began the first guy turns to the second guy and asks, Old MacDonald had a what?, To which the second replied, E-I-E-I-O.. Airborne. Why was the soldier very careful in front of his commanding officer on Thanksgiving day? People in the Army have a unique lingo and speak the same language as each other. 80. Who in the Army uses the bathroom the most? For instance, here's what happens after they secure a building: The Army will post guards around the building. He doesnt think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, Just the four of you?, The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, No, were the last four. No one moved. 40. 8. But I shouldered on. Now I'm a military vet. With a crowbar! 2nd Place won $25.00. I let him go but was sort of annoyed. The LT yelled What are you doing SGT? You can now be fined $500 for calling an officer an a-hole. -Fifty bucks for calling them an a-hole and $450 for disclosing classified information. Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends In the military, people love cracking jokes about each brand. The Public. The other is protecting its citizens from the danger of allergies. 75+ Top Military Jokes for Every Branch | Thought Catalog As a Black Vietnam War veteran receives the Medal of Honor, an Alaskan In May 2020, the Army told Melzer he would be assigned to another unit slated for deployment where they would be guarding a military base. My papa was a veteran and he used to boast about how he saved more than 300 sailors from dying from an excruciating death. Well I have. What would you call it if a soldier saves something? 12. Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A drill serGENTLEMEN! There was once a medieval horse that joined the Army. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake Force projection. But not sergeants. One day a general came into town. Every time a buddy comes in he high fives this Marine and yells, "Two weeks!" They keep doing this until the bartender asks, "What's all this two weeks stuff?" A Marine tells him their friend finished a puzzle in two weeks. With no cover in the desert, I announced my intention, asked her to turn around, went behind the Jeep, and proposed that if she also had to go, I would be a gentleman and turn my back for her. Its all the stuff that you have to deal with, day in and day out. Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats? What do the army lions make sure to carry? 3. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, All right! It is what it is. The loser would have all jokes told of them. Q: What so you call a snail on a ship? This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. 67. Their funny stories about the desire for freedom, the birthday parties and "inner culture" really knock the readers off. What position do the baby plants serve in the Navy? "What are you holding on to your brother so tight for?" "So he won't join the army," the youngster replied with blinking an eye. 8. A Drill Sergeantlemen. Thank You U.S. ", "Why not," the coach asked, "car trouble? - Yes Sir, I do. Veteran -- Find specific military branch, Unit, base, year, war photos & more. He tells the oth. Your call.. The helicopter had lot of bullet holes. Jokes about the different military branches are as old as the military. A magazine. Listen, we had to end it with this one. -In their sleevies. How do soldiers say goodbye? An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. The company commander and the sergeant were in the field. You have no idea how many restrooms we cleaned between West Point and Panama City. -The jet stops whining once you turn the engine off. Throw out an anchor, sir, the student replied. 7. -Crunchy. Military Jokes - NO banner ads! A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. [CLASSIFIED]. 49. See, the joke relies on the reader presuming the officer means companionship when he says company. An army of dragons destroyed and consumed everything in their path. Shit: Through the Eyes of the Military An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35-pound pack on his back, 15-lb. The favorite candy of sailors is Lifesavers. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. The Stargeant. Then was put KP. Unfortunately, not even the U.S. Government keeps track of where all Veterans currently are. 26. Internet recoils as Biden talks of nurse doing things 'I don't think The Army football coach gave his team a few days off. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 20+ Hilarious Navy Jokes And Puns! | LaffGaff Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. Here are the 7 Air Force funny jokes (also above in the drawing): Air Force Fact: The only time you can have too much fuel is when you're on fire. -Air (Force) Rejected Me Yesterday. So one day, I said, "Play a flat major. As the periscope was covered, the submarine didnt realise it had reached the surface, so it kept rising. Dad: The first time I sent some private to find batteries for the chem lights. Q: Why couldnt the sailors play cards? Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Trilingual Rajnandini has also published work in a supplement for 'The Telegraph', and had her poetry shortlisted in Poems4Peace, an international project. Where do Generals keep their armies? I asked my private if he was really mad. All the subjects e.g shooting, strategy and tactics get terrible grades except Math which has an A. A new recruit started singing the marine hymn Our Drill Instructor was coming out of our barracks and heard him. Just found out what exam results you need to join the navy. And when it got to 10,000 feet, we shot it down with the anti-aircraft guns. Plane Optical Illusion. Military Jokes | Funny Clean Jokes | AJokeADay.com Looks like they just won Halloween too. People who wear sleeveless shirts in the Army defend their right to bare arms. 55. Military Jokes and Humor About Rules - LiveAbout The truth hurts, but its gotta be said. 100+ Best Army Jokes And Puns | Kidadl Chairs scraped behind him, and four of the biggest, meanest guys in the bar stood up. Navy is playing Army, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. sailors have a long tradition of telling tall tales, and navy jokes are just one more way to pass the time and make people laugh. A drill sergeant grumbles at his fresh young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, Private.. Let Freedom Ring Why did the soldier decide to cut a hole in their carpet? Although there may be seven (we see you Space Force) branches of service, only two are known for their epic rivalry. Sep 4, 2019 - Explore Laura Jane's board "BootCamp quotes and jokes" on Pinterest. 65 Funny Army Jokes and Puns 2023 Veteran and Military brothers & sisters. Air Force said "I would call Room service & ask why is there a tent in my Room?". Top 50 Navy Jokes | My Town Tutors The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning." "Thank you very much, sir." 4. A army major was upset with his sons report card. The military is a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country (The army, navy, air-force, and other security branches). Because he said, it was too much trouble to raise his hand. What would you say if a soldier accidentally put some horrible paint on the left side of his face? Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. My 1st MOS was 33S, and in the reserves I was dead-ended at Spec 5, and therefore not eligible for retirement, so I changed to MOS 31V. A: So they can see their Air Force. A: They both got accepted to West Point.