It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. Life is transient. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Dont slide back to her. We never fight. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. I would take a long look to see if this is reconcilable. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. I'm not defending her actions. This is what her and her friends did to you. I had no privacy. Please think about going to individual counseling as well as couples counseling! So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. That power over you is now dissipated - especially if you do your best to be yourself and act normal. If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. People are weak sometimes. People do stupid shit. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. That's just me, though. Ugh. Therapy is what you need. That should have been end of story then and there. Well 1. Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. If you love her and things work, then your answer is clear. Once you have accepted what you can't change, then you can move forward, either using gratitude or optimism to recover & reframe the situation. Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. I think you did the right thing by leaving that night, although blowing up the party that was might not have been the best idea. One of my wifes friends was fairly insistent about her divorcing me but honestly it came from a genuine place, its a weird situation and if you cant see how happy we are, I cant blame you for not getting it. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Im about to grab the beers and be on my way. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. Whoa. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Maybe. Wife: (my name) I dunno what your heard but its not what, Me: (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard.. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. Your marriage is between the two of you. I would want to know why, if it was me. Same! 3. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Fuck this situation. Be honest anyway. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. She kept her bad friends 4. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. The text of the post has been preserved below. I think that is a much worse betrayal, to laugh at him behind his back with these people he thinks are friends. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! No. But I'm not actually sorry: people act stupid sometimes. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. Oh My God, seriously? Also you say you feel emasculated. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Your partner in crime fucked up. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? Ive been with my partner for 5 years. How unattractive I feel. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. How do you hang out with that friend group now knowing all their extra bullshit? Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. You will never have that trust again. My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. I hope you can work it out. I might not go as far as to say shes only sorry she got caught, but the current reaction is definitely because she got caught. Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. What she did was so horrible. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. That's the truth. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. Very much agree with this person right here. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. If you think you can continue in a relationship with someone who is so nonchalantly willing to throw you, your feelings, and your whole person under the bus so easily, for what? Her friends have always been cool to me. Whether or not its just because she got caught, I dont know. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Its not an easy solution. This was betrayal. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. In this day and age? They didnt hear me come into the kitchen. Your wife is a cowered. She did not need to provide more information. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. I would suggest that you avoid any hasty decisions that would blow your life up until you take some time to process this on your timeline. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. It's terrible. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). But we hung on. This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. Couples counseling could help. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! Emasculated. Now, this is fine! I think you handled that really well. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? This is divorce worthy. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. I'm glad she apologized. Your wife IMMEDIATELY tried to gaslight you as soon as she found out you heard what she had said. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. Has anyone gone through anything similar? You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. People aren't accepting where I live either. She feels bad for being caught. It sucks. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. He was literally a running joke to all of them. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). About everything. I live in a fairly large Canadian metropolitan area, most guys I know and hang out with are even a little bi. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. It was never between you and them anyway. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. Not buying it. I'm sorry. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. IMHO divorce would definitely be on the table. My only advice is to give it time. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. Is she going to put them as well and claim she didnt mean it and that she was just drunk or gossiping? Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. All the sudden I didnt know my wife. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. Couples counseling could work but it may also not be necessary, you two could work on it together. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. A serious relationship, & quot ; he kicked off the contenscious post with him is have. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her husband! Your real friends from the judgemental ones feel like you cant get past, then answer! 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